Thank you, Adele, for the perfect post title.
In a year when I started a new job, the idea of writing in this blog after late nights at my office was overwhelmingly daunting. If you were a loyal reader, you probably noticed, given the four whole posts for 2015. Not my finest effort. If you are reading this because I instagrammed about it, welcome. There are 10 years worth of stories and anecdotes here so enjoy! But be gentle. My writing has been a progression.
Work was all-consuming last year, and will continue to be much of this year in a different way (more on that later). After back surgery, two knee surgeries for Harper, being generally over-stimulated by the mountains of photos and half-finished projects I wanted to make perfect, I took an unofficial break that grew from weeks to months. A break where I felt guilty and anxious about NOT writing every day. Would you believe it? I didn’t know what to say. Major writer’s block and major internalized pressure wasn’t a great combo. By not writing, I felt like I wasn’t doing my life or experiences justice, so that made me feel even worse. I was squatting in blog purgatory.
Seven months went by, and further behind I felt. Even after the trip of a lifetime to Ireland, I couldn’t wrap my head around what I wanted to say in a public forum…let alone publish any of the 1,200 photos I took without editing them and having them perfect. Then I had about 700 more photos after that from other things. To this day, I still have Christmas photos needing attention. For what? For my own sanity and feeling caught up. Does anyone care besides me? Nope.
My boss tells me I’m a perfectionist and it’s not something she said in praise. It only took her a few months to point out my shortcomings, and that took its toll as well. It’s hard to hear honest criticism and then have the balls to acknowledge it, and even more to consciously change some of my ways. It was a year of self-realization and a whole lot of reflection to see I was mis-managing much of my time, in nearly every aspect of this life. It was an ugly cycle of self-pity and feeling behind the curve. Good news? It took some time but I feel a ton better and more productive than ever.
After several months came a December that was filled with sorting, cleaning, and catching up. I’m actually still in the middle of it. Goals and objectives were set (at work). The new year came and went. Quiet resolutions have been made. I’m still creating different habits, but here I am. Ready to try again after some time off.
My job requires me to be submerged completely in all things marketing. My opinion of media and what people are calling “news” has grown more cynical. I believe blogging has changed (I posted a link from Dooce in my last post that really summed it up). Self-promotion is behind every coincidental story. Sales pitches hidden between factual content haunt me. I refuse to click on articles that mention the Kardashians. I can now pinpoint drip marketing campaigns in my sleep. I’m still purposely sidetracked, but in different ways. Taking a break was probably the best medicine to refocus and understand why I even liked writing and taking pictures at all.
I’m not going to make any big commitments about writing. There are no scheduled posts or produced content. But I will be doing more, because I have a lot of things to share. I’m going to make time to put them here.