twenty. nine.

I’ve been struggling with my 29th birthday.  I’ve spent the last week boozing being irresponsible playing skeeball celebrating with friends and family, doing my very best to ignore the fact that I’m entering the last year of my twenties.  For me, this seems almost worse than the big 3-0.

It doesn’t sound so bad when you say 29.  I know that.  I know the only ticking clock I hear is in my own head, asking me if I’m ready to have some babies, what I’m doing in my job, and what it would take for me to “have it all” if that’s what I really want.  (Thanks Morgan, for reminding me to read that lengthy but very good article.)  I have no answers.  But I’m not without belief that the answers will come to me eventually.  They always do.

It’s no secret I put a lot of pressure on myself.  I constantly worry and that worry leads to an elephant sitting on my chest and I start feeling my breathing accelerate.  I worry about things that don’t matter, about how I’m going to decorate the basement, about whether or not I should buy a new camera, about taking the next step into parenthood…I don’t discriminate between huge life events and what I should wear to work tomorrow.  It’s all spinning around, sometimes faster than others.  I take it day-by-day.

If it sounds like I’ve been pondering a lot on the horizon of my 29th, you’re right; I have.  Brian and I have had a very aggressive six months with the new house, my semi-anxiety breakdown and subsequent Zoloft cocktail of prescriptions (of which I’m not sure I’ll be able to live effectively without), decorating, my terrible job situation and new happy place in a different department.  It’s been exhausting and wonderful and almost invigorating to know the things I can accomplish when under mental distress.  It gives me hope that if I can handle all of these huge things that life has given us year, I can handle quite an array of shit.

Instead of more blabbering, I’d like to leave my mark on my 29th birthday with a few things I’ve learned in my 20’s:

1.  It’s worth it to hire movers.

2.  You should marry someone who gets your jokes and can quote movies back and forth. That person should also respect the qualities that made you fall in love with him/her.

3.  J.Crew pants are worth the money.

4.  Corporate business is business…it’s not a church.  They will rarely do you any favors if not actually throwing you under the bus.

5.  Golf is a lifetime sport and worth learning.

6.  Small wedding ceremony + big reception = great fun.

7.  Taking two honeymoon trips = great fun

8.  If it wasn’t this, it would be something else.

9.  Dave Grohl is a stud.   I love him and my love is unwavering.

10.  Hunter wellie boots are worth the money.

11.  Collect antique furniture during the years when you’re living alone and continue to do so until your home has both old and new.  By that time, you will hopefully know how to mix the two.

12.  Seeking counseling or a psychiatrist is not defeat.  It’s the first step towards feeling better.

13.  Read.  Read a lot.  Having an intelligent conversation as you grow older is a virtue.

14.  Write thank you notes.  Politeness is never out of style and etiquette is a hand-written note.

15.  Try drastic things with your hair…if it goes poorly, it will grow back.

16.  It’s only money.

17.  See concerts and dance while you’re there.

18.  When an adorable puppy falls into your lap at a winery, you take him with you and never look back.

19.  I’m much more perceptive than I get credit for.  I’m quite sleuthy.

20.  Moms will help you in the best of times and the worst of times.  On my 29th birthday, I’m quite thankful for mine.